Christina (2)

if you haven't read my post Christina (1), you might read it first. then again, you'll probably just keep reading this one.
this is about another instance with Christina, the person who has had the most unstatistically good influence on my character.
I was escorting Christina somewhere (such as might happen particularly at EFY or in movies depicting nobility) that everyone was going, and it was me, Christina, and her sister Afton walking together. within about ten yards out the door, I started to feel awkward about being, I guess arm in arm with Christina and just letting Afton "tag along." but what was I going to do, just ask if I could escort her too? probably within about 15 seconds of me really starting to feel awkward, Christina said something like "do you think you could escort my sister too? I think she'd appreciate it... thank you, Samuel." did she alleviate the awkwardness for me, and probably any that they felt? yes. but that wasn't all: she flattered me, she asked me in a way that (once you add just how admired and liked her) I could have hardly refused anything. There are a lot more lessons I get or kind of get from this, but one clear one is: you don't have to wait to use all the tact you have until you need it. In this example, the way she asked would have been enough to make me want to do it if I found it unpleasant, but she didn't wait to ask that way until she had something to ask me that I could see as unpleasant. she asked when it could have been construed as a sacrifice for her, and should definitely be considered a gain (for lack of a better term) for me. ( : If you can be that humble when, say, you donate money, people will be impressed and like you for it, no?

Shannon

like my post about Christina, the events here happened at EFY, this time at the Denton 2008 session. When I met Shannon, probably on Thursday, I think Brittany told her about my duct tape vest because she thought it was that cool, or was that convinced that Shannon would think it was cool, but Shannon told me she would dance like a hundred dances with me if I wore it to the dance on Friday. (however she said it, nothing was as awkward as I might be making it sound.) I think she had a pretty good idea that I would definitely do a lot more than notice her at the dance, and liked that idea. So what did she do? she pointed Rachel out to me, who she said could appreciate someone asking her to dance. When I spent almost all my time that night with Rachel and a few girls I had known earlier, what did Shannon do? She thanked me. She thanked me, because she saw a happy friend of hers who I helped be able to enjoy herself that night. The Savior said to "love thy neighbor as thyself," but I have to admit, I probably wouldn't have put my friends interests so high above my own as to be just grateful to have my friend get the attention I could have had from some girl I just met and thought was cool and might never see again.
I felt like a jerk: she pointed Rachel out to me, who I really liked, and she got somewhat ignored for it. yet it seemed to me that in Shannon's eyes she never even had to forgive me. in fact, she seemed to think she almost owed me, which is so opposite the truth: even though Shannon pointed Rachel out to me, I gave her some of the sincerest compliments I have ever given, (point being I really liked her.)
Rachel, if it ends up that you read this, I sure hope you don't feel at all hurt. I have to be honest, I may not have noticed you if Shannon didn't point me to you, but as I said, the compliments I gave you that night are some of the sincerest I have ever given. I hope you just feel glad to have a friend like Shannon.

Andy

this whole blog wouldn't exist without Andy, because he suggested I read How to Win Friends and Influnce People and seemed like someone I could stand to be more like. I met Andy at work for my uncle putting up Christmas lights in Arizona, and he was also my uncle's nephew, but not my cousin. Andy was good at asking questions about you and being interested in you. more than that, he could be in charge of a job, or showing me how to do something, and could criticize or tell me what to do in ways that couldn't make anyone feel nferior. Very simple techniques: when he told me how to roll balls of lights, he started pointing out what he tended to do wrong, then what some others did wrong, before telling me how it really needed to be done. When I did something well, he would praise me for it. Even if it would have been ideal to be even better or faster. and he rarely gave orders, or just told someone what to do. It was "hey Samuel, do you think you can hand me that?" or he would actually give me some say in the process, or let me figure things out. another example of what someone else said that just reminds me of the way Andy handled people was that even though I might not be as fast at wrapping a tree, I wrapped a better tree than Doug (my uncle who owned the business). this was a compliment, but still let me see that I needed to learn to be faster. there are things to learn from these experiences. these principles he helped me learn are elaborated on and then stated more succinctly in Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. I recommend it.

Christina

(1) because I will come back to her, Christina really had a profound influence on me in a mere week at EFY. (Especially For youth, an LDS church camp kind of thing that is freaking AMAZING)

At EFY (Kansas '07), before we ever met the girls in our company, I heard that one was practically engaged, and one was in a fairly serious relationship (our counselor knew both) I kind of figured out who he was talking about, or had a pretty good idea, and Christina was one of them. Amazingly, I almost automatically blocked her out as a possibility of someone I might like in any kind of romantic type sense. But I think it was by sometime on Wednesday that I started spending almost as much time with her as I could. Some people you are just drawn to. like her. the last chapter of the how to make people like you section of How to Win Friends and Influence People is about making people feel important, and that is what Christina did. when I took her tray, she didn't just say thank you, or say thank you with a sincere smile. She said something more like"Oh thank you, Samuel, I really appreciate that, you're the first guy who's done that for me this week." (things like guys taking girl's trays happen a lot at EFY) I don't know if anyone has ever been more lavish in praising me than Christina, and she was so sincere. I loved her for it. I might have doubted her sincerity in some degree, or not thought nearly so much of how she treated me, but she treated everyone that way. Christina has inspired me to be kinder, more patient, more positive, and to try to have the spirit with me such that it's all natural and no one can doubt my sincerity.
Christina, if you ever read this, know that I look up to you. A lot. I learned that all you have to do to make people like you and help them love themselves is what you did: You showed sincere appreciation, gave heartfelt praise, and were always positive about others. and you cared, which is the great recurring theme in everyone who makes a difference in people's lives in such ways.

note: Christina was in the "fairly serious relationship," but I'm not sure how serious it was. I got some clues that she wasn't too serious, but I have little knowledge of it.

Hillary

(the following happened in probably October 2008)
If I went back to my grandpa's ward in Arizona and saw her, then maybe I would recognize her. I don't know, but I remember her name.
Visiting my grandpa I was there alone in a strange ward. at least I was alone after sacrament meeting. In Sunday school she introduced herself to me about when I sat down and then introduced me to the class. It immediately made me feel at home (to a degree) because I felt she really cared that I felt welcome. I thanked her afterward and she said something like "well that's exactly what I would like if I were visiting" as if that made it nothing. The Savior stated succinctly the most important thing man has learned and presumably will ever learn about relations with others: "do unto other as you would have them do unto you." I didn't see a lot of her, but that seemed to just be a part of Hillary. she cared.
I also learned, thinking about it later, that when you go into a group of unfamiliar people, you need only one to try to befriend you to make you feel welcome and grateful to them. In fact, the gesture helps more than anything. When you see someone new to or visiting any group you're in, please, go out of your way to make them feel at home. even if something seems awkward about it, they will probably overlook it quite easily, if not without even noticing.

Craig

In winter 2007, over a year and half before I started thinking so much about human relations, I was sixteen and I attended to my first semester of college (as a concurrent enrollment student with two classes, don't want brag here.) During my first week I met Craig in math. He was a high school senior who had taken one or two classes a semester for maybe a year and a half, so he knew what it was like to have almost everyone that much older than you.
That didn't matter nearly as much as how he treated people. He met probably at least 5 or 6 people the first week, and really tried, and did pretty well at remembering everyone's name. He must have seen that I was drawn right to him, (partly because of my lack of any other friends) and I believe before the second week was over he invited me to lunch with him, and a friend in the cafeteria. Craig made everyone feel that they were important to him. when others spoke negatively about someone, I don't think he contradicted what they said, but was usually positive about about that someone. Craig almost seems to glow with a love and concern for everyone he meets. One time when I was going to hang out with him, he had a friend moving, and Craig wouldn't let previous plans get in the way of helping him. I don't know that he was even that close a friend really.
I think Craig really immerses himself in all the doctirne of Christ he has. Of course a Latter Day Saint like myself believes he is missing vital doctrines, but he understands that we should emulate Christ, and that if we love Christ we will "feed [his] sheep." He knows more than enough to know to do good, and apparently knows it better than I do.

Jessica

One night a few month's I was at a church (Young Single Adult) New Year's Eve dance. I will refrain from telling which night in hopes that you find it rather obvious. I knew three people there, and had met three others earlier. One girl who was actually a pretty good friend, but was in the midst of friends and was paying more attention to many of them than to me, and some people I didn't actually know nearly as well. I basically felt like I didn't really know anyone. then Jess came along. She certainly didn't change that feeling at first. I don't know her very well, and she actually acted a kind of like a kind of close friend, and as much as I liked having someone excited to see me, I thought it was a little wierd. But before two minutes, she walked away and said I'd have to save her a dance and I was already warming up to her. I asked her to dance and she was so reamarkably, genuinely happy to see me, glad I was there, and really caring about me that I probably felt like I could have danced with her all night. I realized she's 5 years older than me. I don't think she was worried what I thought about her, but I know she cared about helping me feel comfortable instead of slightly out of place.
Without her smile, I don't think she could have ever hoped to make me feel so comfortable with her in those five minutes. It was gorgeous, but the real issue was that it said "I'm happy to see you." It was sincere and caring. No one can avoid liking you better if you can give them a sincere smile when you see them. If you are genuine and willing to risk a little bit of awkwardness at first, there are so many more people than you might think who would appreciate it if you reached out to them.